A&E: Dear Magic Mike

a&e, events, new zealand
View from Ripon

View from Ripon

Dear Channing Tatum,

Although we have never been formally introduced, I wanted to reach out to you and let you know what an impact your work in the recently released, Magic Mike XXL (MMXXL), has had on me. My name is Krystal Marie Collins, I am 31.67 years old on the 23rd of July (picture enclosed for your reference), divorced and single, currently living in Wanaka, New Zealand, where I viewed the aforementioned film on Friday at the Paridiso with 4 of my friends (Emi, Aggie, Vibeke, and Loui). The timing couldn’t have been better because a few days before I saw MMXXL, I received a rejection text, or a rejext, as I like to call it, from someone who I’d been on a few dates with, but inevitably wasn’t interested in me, and it was nice to have the film to lift my spirits.

Some of the scenes that I most fancied were the ones where you danced. You are an amazing dancer. When you heard ‘Pony’ on the radio while working in your man cave and spontaneously broke into grinding moves the likes of which I have never seen, I thought perhaps you were a god sent to Earth with the explicit purpose of satisfying women. Did you instinctually know all those moves at birth or did some sort of other demi God feed you a potion or teach them to you?

In another scene you dance for Jada Pinket-Smith at her house of pleasure. You initiate the dance by doing a high jump over another dancer and as you’ve done often, do this female tackle move where it appears something dangerous is happening, but in the end, you hold the participant up-side-down, her private parts landing safely in your face and no one injured. You proceed to perform this move on several more lucky ladies. What do you call it in the script? How did the choreography come together so seamlessly? Where any injuries ever sustained?

The crescendo was the last scene where you danced in unisin with another male entertainer (played by tWich), each for your own women, with a set staged to emulate a mirror image. Not only was the timing out of this world, especially with the chosen style, brake-dancing fused with grinding and other modern hip-hop moves, the foreshadowing was a perfect set up. Several clips before, you are in the kitchen with this cute love interest you have flirted with the length of the movie, she is eating cake and she offers you some. You say you’re more of a COOKIE guy, oreos, specifically. Then, fast forward to the mirror image set, the cute love interest is seated, and the sound track begins. Starting with ‘Anywhere’ by 112 (who doesn’t love slow jam revivals from high school- how many high school dances did I hear this song at, a million), your fluid muscle isolation moves are displayed nicely here. Then moving to ‘All the Time’ with Jeremih and Lil’ Wayne things get straight naughty, just listen to those lyrics. And the final kill, ‘COOKIE’ by R Kelly brings the whole last dance together, though I am inclined to think metaphors like COOKIE, cookie jar, and oreo represent other subject matter… I’m not going to lie, I immediately went home and downloaded all three songs on a boot leg app that converts YouTube clips to MP3’s and proceeded to listen to the songs on repeat while scrubbing toilets and mopping floors at the helicopter hanger where I work the following morning. It was the best day of cleaning ever.

The only down side to having experienced this cinematographic wonder, is that, I fear no one will ever live up to the expectations you have set…Alas. However difficult it will be to find someone like you who is real, and likes me back, now I know what to do when my next rejext comes through, fire up the lap top and chuck on a torrented copy of MMXXL. I appreciate the opportunity to thank you for your work and I look forward to seeing what you come out with next. If you happen to find yourself in Wanaka, let me know, or alternatively, I can make myself available to fly to any location at anytime for the rest of my life, if you want to host. I’ll bring the COOKIES. Please find my details enclosed. I love you. Ta.


K. Collins, geologist at large, aspiring male entertainer reviewer

A&E: Submissions for the Mountain Film Festival

a&e, events, new zealand, shredventures

Can you call it rejection when you don’t hear back on a submission? Maybe I could convince myself these photos that I sent to the Wanaka Sun (a local independent newspaper) of Mountain Film Festival events got lost in the shuffle… but the truth is, its the second time in a row I haven’t heard back. Devo (slang for devastated). I suppose sharing them on my own blog is just as gratifying. I still want to make the paper at least once before my visa is up!

Thoughts on the events attended during the Mountain Film Fest…

Night 1 and 2: Book reading and story telling at Ripon Vinyard.

Having followed American pod casts like This American Life, Snap Judgment, and The Moth, I am so down with story telling, although, it was rad to be in the same room as the presenter instead of hearing them over the radio. Lydia Bradley in particular stole the show covering everything from Harry McClary, sending packages to Hawea Flat and having them intercepted by authorities, to feces  in Chips A’hoy bags at Yosemitte NP. After all, what is funnier than poop?

Adventure Writing Class

My buddy Annika, a local at Mount Aspiring College, and I, attended the writing class offered which emphasized sending out submissions and making cold calls to publications. I am sure it would disappoint the lecturer, Derek Grzelewski, if he new my first send out ended in a no reply 😦 Though, the class was successful in another regard, rallying me to give some much over due attention to my blog.

Snow Adventures segment of festival

Films 1 and 2 were easily my favorite, The Little Things and Vasu Out on a Limb. The first was stories about snowboarders taking their love of the out doors to an environmental level, building sustainable homes, reconnecting with cultural heritage, and lobbying at congress for climate change legislation. Totally empowering. Jeremy Jones’ project Protect Our Winters is sure to infuse snowboarding culture with a bit of over due activism.

The film about Vasu, an adaptive sports skier and person of color, working on back country projects reminded me of the utterly enlightening experience of skiing with mono skier Danielle Watson back home at Mt. Bachelor. This guy has an awesome attitude and thought provoking words around labels like ‘disabled’. It was also refreshing to see a person of color as the star of a selected feature film.

Likely the coolest snap shot I saw during the festival was at home on Vimeo (the footage was featured in the festival at a show I couldn’t make it to). A piece staring Will Jackways, local boarder in Wanaka, shot by Two Beared Men production, titled Interpretation. The film is home grown, featuring lots of South Island backcountry and a stand up kiwi dude. I might have missed this sweet short if the beards behind the camera had not set up their office next to the yoga studio where I practice. Rumor has it the footage will be shown in flight to folks arriving by plane this winter. What a great way to get them stoked on the snow culture of Wanaka. Two thumbs (or beards) up!

metro: smith rock ascent

commuting chronicles, events, gear review, outdoor

Having not participated in anything resembling an athletic competition since high school, it was exhilarating to have an opportunity to join in the energy of a race! When Danielle Lancelot Watson (D) first asked me to assist her on the ride, I was stoked because Smith is my old stomping grounds (I spent many a weekend break from the University of Oregon scaling the runout chicken heads of that massive welded ash tuft). It didn’t hurt to have Jeff Boggess cheering us on and slinging Trail Butter our way. I especially enjoyed the espresso mix during the home stretch. In addition, Todd Janssen the race promoter from Go Beyond Racing was very supportive and accommodating!

Our race was a half marathon, 13 miles. Apparently D competes in these types of races all the time, having just completed the Portland Half Marathon, and looking ahead to some in Seattle. I felt really blessed that she wanted me to join her. Although I was largely little help to her during the competition because she is totally independent, when we reached tight turn around points, I was glad I could be there to lift her bike around as her turning radius is that of Austin Powers golf cart. At least I made myself useful in some capacity.

The most epic part of the race was when when a couple wiener dogs started chasing us. Their bark was pretty ferocious and the way D was angled, she couldn’t see what they looked like. I was glad to be there to tell her they sounded way worse than they looked, and everything would definitely be alright, just keep pedaling. Competition or not, in the end that’s what friends are for right? We all need our pit crew supporting us, telling us to keep pedaling because everything is going to be alright. I am so proud of D and hope to join her on a future race.

metro: damnation showing at the tower tonight

a&e, events, metro, patagonia, rethink waste
Damnation at The Tower Theater tonight

Damnation at The Tower Theater tonight

As a paddler, a river rat, lover of ecology, and Patagonia@Bend employee, I am stoked to be attending the showing of DAMNATION tonight at The Tower Theater! There will be a discussion panel after wards. Please join me…

metro: collinsrocksmedia specialty release hat featured on KTVZ

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Only 5 hats were released to Collinsrocks Media in a compilation project with Rugged Threads and one was spotted last night on KTVZ! Check out the link… The dude at the end of the video.

a&e: photos published

a&e, events, patagonia

See Cascade A&E for photos of Patagonia@Bend’s Surf into Spring event! Page 14.

free refills: packed the plankery

a&e, events, oregon, outdoor

Wednesday night Collinsrocks Media was stoked to celebrate the release of their winter show, free refills. We want to to thank the following community members for showing their support: Ben Cereghino (The Plankery), Augie Cary (The Crankery), Kim Kinney (Rugged Threads), Denise Rowcroft (Rethink Waste Project, The Environmental Center), Danielle Watson (Monoskiier and OAS Ambassador), Josh Sims (Gear Fix), Chris Quinn (The Broker Network) and folks from the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Central Oregon. Celebrate winter!

“free refills”, hosmer lake

a&e, events, oregon, outdoor, photo essay, travel

Please join Krystal Marie Collins of collinsrocks media for a show opening, April 9th, 7pm, The Plankery in Bend, OR, “free refills”. The show is a photo commentary on the seasonal snow cache which Bachelor receives and shares with snow goers and high desert eco-systems. We hope you’ll bring lots of dialog about the adventures you have been having this winter! You might even have a chance to share on while the camera is rolling.

free refills show opening

events, oregon, outdoor, photo essay, shredventures

Free Refills

surf into spring

events, gear review, oregon, patagonia, photo essay

Highlights from the Surf into Spring event held at Patagonia Bend last Thursday included amazing raffle prizes given away every 15 minutes, raising a massive fund for Nomadcharities, the opportunity to visit with Patagonia Athlete Ambassadors, releasing a new shoe wall constructed by local Ben Hull, and having aid of Patagonia footwear representatives on hand to discus product highlights! The most popular shoes where the ultralight slip-on series. The Advocate for women and Maui‘s men! Stop in and try on the perfect shoe for spring. Don’t forget to see the article about our new shoe wall in Cascade A and E, page 21!

re-release of mt. bachelor series, posters now available at gravity sports, mt. bachelor

events, photo essay, shredventures
Now available at Mt. Bachelor

Now available at Mt. Bachelor


Now available at Mt. Bachelor

Now available at Mt. Bachelor


go! a snowboard movie: dirksen derby benefit

events, patagonia, shredventures


Thanks to Patagonia Bend, New Belgium Brewery, and GO! A SNOWBOARD ROAD TRIP’s director Sam Tuor (pictured above) and awesome boarder cast ( Kael Martin and Alex Yoder, pictured above), significant quantities of money were raised for the Dirksen Derby to Benefit Tyler Eklund, local snowboarder, injured 7 years ago. The Bend Patagonia crew was stoked to participate in such a good cause and auction off some sick prizes to the audience.

Complete with a radly decorated vintage Subaru to transport the boarders form mountain to mountain we thank Sam for putting together such a great film and showing it at our downtown Bend location.

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To see more, check out Dirksen Derby footage! And to see the movie GO!

Valhalla, Seasons Best Ski Film sponsored by Patagonia

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Owner of the Plankery, Ben Cereghino (L) and owner of the Crankery, Augie high five over their excitement for Valhalla!

Bend is blessed to have a viewing of the seasons most anticipated ski film, Valhalla! When Ben Cereghino, owner of the newest ski shop to Century Drive, The Plankery, looked up local showings for the film and found none, he took matters into his own hands. Contacting Sweetgrass Productions and doing all of Central Oregon a favor, the film can be seen Tuesday, 7pm at the  The Volcanic Theater Pub. Tickets at the Plankery or door, $12/$16. What are people saying about the film you say?

Would you like narrative with that? Director Nick Waggoner brings undertones reminiscent of the “Beat Generation” (a term coined by Jack Kerouac in the 50’s) to the Ski porn (literally, I heard there is nudity scenes…) industry, tieing snow and the sports we do in it to a deeper meaning.  According to John Stifter, published in Powder Magazine, 

“Despite a script that could have been edited for length and ethereal tone, and a segment that some may deem too analogous to Ken Kesey and The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (Should I have been on LSD for that?), Waggoner and his Sweetgrass bretheren—Ben Sturgulewski, Zac Ramras, Mike Brown, and Max Santeusanio—gave me what I wanted: a pensive ski film that is unlike any other recent iteration, and deserved of a place on my ski DVD bookshelf.”

Maybe we should just see for ourselves Tuesday night? Eh?

To see the trailer and read more check out: Sweetrass’ Valhalla Movie Review

To read more about the newest ski shop in town and their commitment to American made, hand crafted skis: The Plankery 

Patagonia Donates and Employees Support ONDA’s Wild and Scenic Film Fest!

events, gear review, patagonia

Wild and Scenic Film Festival

Although my co-workers and I had locked up the Patagonia@Bend shop for the night and headed over to the ONDA’s (Oregon Natural Desert Association) Wild and Scenic Film Fest, it felt as though we never left the office. Looking around the Old Stone Church were the festival was hosted, nearly all the participants sported the typical Bend wardrobe- Patagonia gear. This made me feel proud to sit with my co-workers, Mary, Camara, and Leslie and support a good cause. When Cory Harlan, an ecologist and one of the event organizers welcomed us, we thanked her profusely for the tickets she had supplied and eagerly awaited the show.

Among the ten films shown, there was something for everyone. Three stories of human impact on wild places (Public Lands, Private Profits: Too special to Drill, Return Flight: Restoring the Bald Eagle to the Channel Islands, and One Beach), two animation based pieces (The Story of Change and Song of the Spindle), one produced by ONDA tracking the Oregon Desert Trail (Sage Steppes: 800 miles on the Oregon Desert Trail), and a winter white-water flick (Seasons Winter). The two snow sport films (The Denali Experiment and Unicorn Sashimi) and the climbing piece (The Gimp Monkeys) were personal favorites.

Wild and Scenic Film Festival

The Denali Experiment and Unicorn Sashimi were favorites for juxtaposing reasons. I gravitated toward the banter that accompanies extreme goals such as climbing, sking and boarding Denali. While Sage Cattabriga (a Bend based free ride skier) spoke of wetting himself, Lucas DeBari (a Glacier, WA native and half pipe rider turned back country), through a haze of altitude sickness rattled off lines like “I feel like a 60 year old chain smoker”, laughter and applause shook the Old Stone Church. Accounts of the ski season in Japan were just as compelling although documented with a backdrop of images and audio from traditional Japanees drumming. The ambiance in both were compelling for different reasons. Finally, inspiration was rampant watching images of the first all-disabled accent of Yosemite’s El Cap in The Gimp Monkeys. Having just visited Yosemite weeks earlier to document The Rim Fire, preservation of this somewhat wild and undisputedly scenic place was fresh in my mind. Lines by Pete Davis (born without an arm) like “the right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms any day” shook me to the core. These films seemed a good way to transition from fall climbing to the impending ski and boarding months, especially with powder already blanketing Bachelor…