It isn’t like I’ve accomplished much in the side country or back country for that matter, in my four seasons of snowboarding. But there are a few boot packs back home that make my heart skip a beat. There is something about a hike, a session of heavy breathing, hauling a board on your back up terrain as steep as stairs. When sustained for an elevation gain that seemed just out of reach when you began, a level of catharsis can be reached unlike anything else in life. You put your head down, you push and climb, you sweat it out, and after you reach the top, strap in and teeter on the crest of the drop. You collect your reward. If your lucky enough to have company, you bond with your partner in a very special way. As Louis said after our run behind Captains, on our hike out following the cat track, “here’s to the Mongolians for inventing skiing”, I second that.
In the subjects of Writing and English, for what little I absorbed as a child and no formal instruction post secondary school, I am surprisingly enthralled by sentence structure and slang/foreign word choice in print (Newpapers and other obscure independently published periodicals). It is this premiss that has prompted the following short list of oddities found while reading The SouthLand Times and The Otago Daily Times. Select phrases or words are bolded below. Please share your thoughts, for, while some of these bits are oddities to this reviewer, perhaps they are widely accepted convention.
1. Article Title: 100-mile race won by Frost
Sentence: ‘Frost (33), a former Hill City-University runner, won the women’s section of the hardrock 100-mile ultramarathon in Colorado at the weekend.’ Do we think this is a miss print or mistake? [during the weekend]? Is this an appropriate usage of at? Just didn’t sound quite right to my ear.
2. Article Title: The Cold Inside, background being on going legislative controversy about poor heating/insulation in state homes.
Sentence: [In reference to ones heating bill] ‘if you can’t afford it, tough bikkies.’ What is a bikkie? Is this like at morning tea when you go to eat a cookie (biscuit, aka bikkie) and it is stale? And it sucks, but oh well, that’s just how it is. Like, Channing hasn’t written back to me yet, tough bikkies…
3. Article Title: Exile at 80, a close up on the Dalai Lama
Sentence: ‘People have crossed the Himalayas in jandals seeking a blessing from the Dalai Lama.’ I am not confused about the meaning here. For those that don’t know, jandals is Kiwi slang for a flip-flop and is a derivative of sandal. I am wondering why the author didn’t say sandal? Surely, Kiwi readers would have understood. Now it just sounds like something that would come out of Bill Murray’s mouth in Caddyshack, you know the scene where he recounts caddying for the Lama. Check out the clip and at the end, slip this sentence in…
“…you will receive total consciousness. I mean [insert selected sentence]. So I got that going for me, which is nice.”
Dear Channing Tatum,
Although we have never been formally introduced, I wanted to reach out to you and let you know what an impact your work in the recently released, Magic Mike XXL (MMXXL), has had on me. My name is Krystal Marie Collins, I am 31.67 years old on the 23rd of July (picture enclosed for your reference), divorced and single, currently living in Wanaka, New Zealand, where I viewed the aforementioned film on Friday at the Paridiso with 4 of my friends (Emi, Aggie, Vibeke, and Loui). The timing couldn’t have been better because a few days before I saw MMXXL, I received a rejection text, or a rejext, as I like to call it, from someone who I’d been on a few dates with, but inevitably wasn’t interested in me, and it was nice to have the film to lift my spirits.
Some of the scenes that I most fancied were the ones where you danced. You are an amazing dancer. When you heard ‘Pony’ on the radio while working in your man cave and spontaneously broke into grinding moves the likes of which I have never seen, I thought perhaps you were a god sent to Earth with the explicit purpose of satisfying women. Did you instinctually know all those moves at birth or did some sort of other demi God feed you a potion or teach them to you?
In another scene you dance for Jada Pinket-Smith at her house of pleasure. You initiate the dance by doing a high jump over another dancer and as you’ve done often, do this female tackle move where it appears something dangerous is happening, but in the end, you hold the participant up-side-down, her private parts landing safely in your face and no one injured. You proceed to perform this move on several more lucky ladies. What do you call it in the script? How did the choreography come together so seamlessly? Where any injuries ever sustained?
The crescendo was the last scene where you danced in unisin with another male entertainer (played by tWich), each for your own women, with a set staged to emulate a mirror image. Not only was the timing out of this world, especially with the chosen style, brake-dancing fused with grinding and other modern hip-hop moves, the foreshadowing was a perfect set up. Several clips before, you are in the kitchen with this cute love interest you have flirted with the length of the movie, she is eating cake and she offers you some. You say you’re more of a COOKIE guy, oreos, specifically. Then, fast forward to the mirror image set, the cute love interest is seated, and the sound track begins. Starting with ‘Anywhere’ by 112 (who doesn’t love slow jam revivals from high school- how many high school dances did I hear this song at, a million), your fluid muscle isolation moves are displayed nicely here. Then moving to ‘All the Time’ with Jeremih and Lil’ Wayne things get straight naughty, just listen to those lyrics. And the final kill, ‘COOKIE’ by R Kelly brings the whole last dance together, though I am inclined to think metaphors like COOKIE, cookie jar, and oreo represent other subject matter… I’m not going to lie, I immediately went home and downloaded all three songs on a boot leg app that converts YouTube clips to MP3’s and proceeded to listen to the songs on repeat while scrubbing toilets and mopping floors at the helicopter hanger where I work the following morning. It was the best day of cleaning ever.
The only down side to having experienced this cinematographic wonder, is that, I fear no one will ever live up to the expectations you have set…Alas. However difficult it will be to find someone like you who is real, and likes me back, now I know what to do when my next rejext comes through, fire up the lap top and chuck on a torrented copy of MMXXL. I appreciate the opportunity to thank you for your work and I look forward to seeing what you come out with next. If you happen to find yourself in Wanaka, let me know, or alternatively, I can make myself available to fly to any location at anytime for the rest of my life, if you want to host. I’ll bring the COOKIES. Please find my details enclosed. I love you. Ta.
K. Collins, geologist at large, aspiring male entertainer reviewer
Can you call it rejection when you don’t hear back on a submission? Maybe I could convince myself these photos that I sent to the Wanaka Sun (a local independent newspaper) of Mountain Film Festival events got lost in the shuffle… but the truth is, its the second time in a row I haven’t heard back. Devo (slang for devastated). I suppose sharing them on my own blog is just as gratifying. I still want to make the paper at least once before my visa is up!
Thoughts on the events attended during the Mountain Film Fest…
Night 1 and 2: Book reading and story telling at Ripon Vinyard.
Having followed American pod casts like This American Life, Snap Judgment, and The Moth, I am so down with story telling, although, it was rad to be in the same room as the presenter instead of hearing them over the radio. Lydia Bradley in particular stole the show covering everything from Harry McClary, sending packages to Hawea Flat and having them intercepted by authorities, to feces in Chips A’hoy bags at Yosemitte NP. After all, what is funnier than poop?
Adventure Writing Class
My buddy Annika, a local at Mount Aspiring College, and I, attended the writing class offered which emphasized sending out submissions and making cold calls to publications. I am sure it would disappoint the lecturer, Derek Grzelewski, if he new my first send out ended in a no reply 😦 Though, the class was successful in another regard, rallying me to give some much over due attention to my blog.
Snow Adventures segment of festival
Films 1 and 2 were easily my favorite, The Little Things and Vasu Out on a Limb. The first was stories about snowboarders taking their love of the out doors to an environmental level, building sustainable homes, reconnecting with cultural heritage, and lobbying at congress for climate change legislation. Totally empowering. Jeremy Jones’ project Protect Our Winters is sure to infuse snowboarding culture with a bit of over due activism.
The film about Vasu, an adaptive sports skier and person of color, working on back country projects reminded me of the utterly enlightening experience of skiing with mono skier Danielle Watson back home at Mt. Bachelor. This guy has an awesome attitude and thought provoking words around labels like ‘disabled’. It was also refreshing to see a person of color as the star of a selected feature film.
Likely the coolest snap shot I saw during the festival was at home on Vimeo (the footage was featured in the festival at a show I couldn’t make it to). A piece staring Will Jackways, local boarder in Wanaka, shot by Two Beared Men production, titled Interpretation. The film is home grown, featuring lots of South Island backcountry and a stand up kiwi dude. I might have missed this sweet short if the beards behind the camera had not set up their office next to the yoga studio where I practice. Rumor has it the footage will be shown in flight to folks arriving by plane this winter. What a great way to get them stoked on the snow culture of Wanaka. Two thumbs (or beards) up!
Check out collinsrocks media’s latest contribution at The Crankery: Everybody’s Bike Shop!
See Cascade Business News for Collinsrocks Media’s latest contributions!
Check out collinsrocks media’s latest contribution on The Crankery- everyone’s bike shop!
Check out Collinsrocks Media’s latest contribution on The Crankery- Everybody’s Bike Shop blog!
Check out collinsrocks media’s latest contribution on Bike around Bend!
As a paddler, a river rat, lover of ecology, and Patagonia@Bend employee, I am stoked to be attending the showing of DAMNATION tonight at The Tower Theater! There will be a discussion panel after wards. Please join me…
Do you have a neat compost system or idea? Do you live in a 2 mile radius of downtown? I am interested in collecting stories and pictures of ways to compost.
Contact me via this blog, face book, firstname.lastname@example.org, or stop into Patagonia when I am working!
See collinsrocks media’s latest contribution on the Rethink Wast Project site (The Environmental Center)!
See Cascade A&E for Collinsrocks Media’s Atelier 6 article, pg. 23.
After a gorgeous paddling weekend at Little Fawn, I am amped for The 2nd Hand Soldiers to play at Elk Lodge at the beginning of June. For me, staying on the far south side of the lake and then paddling to the lodge for music or a coke is the essence of poor woman’s paradise. Best of all is the hidden in let at Little Fawn. At first, when we looked at the water, we thought it was an isolated pond previously connected to Elk Lake, but it was the vantage that made it look singular. Walking the perimeter we realized it did indeed connect to the larger water way. I could imagine this protected cove would be a fantastic place to bring novice water enthusiasts as the wind is negligible and the water calm. Mossies (mosquitoes) were out in full force and I am hoping the gun shot spattering of red dots across my back will soon fade.