A&E: Dear Magic Mike

a&e, events, new zealand
View from Ripon

View from Ripon

Dear Channing Tatum,

Although we have never been formally introduced, I wanted to reach out to you and let you know what an impact your work in the recently released, Magic Mike XXL (MMXXL), has had on me. My name is Krystal Marie Collins, I am 31.67 years old on the 23rd of July (picture enclosed for your reference), divorced and single, currently living in Wanaka, New Zealand, where I viewed the aforementioned film on Friday at the Paridiso with 4 of my friends (Emi, Aggie, Vibeke, and Loui). The timing couldn’t have been better because a few days before I saw MMXXL, I received a rejection text, or a rejext, as I like to call it, from someone who I’d been on a few dates with, but inevitably wasn’t interested in me, and it was nice to have the film to lift my spirits.

Some of the scenes that I most fancied were the ones where you danced. You are an amazing dancer. When you heard ‘Pony’ on the radio while working in your man cave and spontaneously broke into grinding moves the likes of which I have never seen, I thought perhaps you were a god sent to Earth with the explicit purpose of satisfying women. Did you instinctually know all those moves at birth or did some sort of other demi God feed you a potion or teach them to you?

In another scene you dance for Jada Pinket-Smith at her house of pleasure. You initiate the dance by doing a high jump over another dancer and as you’ve done often, do this female tackle move where it appears something dangerous is happening, but in the end, you hold the participant up-side-down, her private parts landing safely in your face and no one injured. You proceed to perform this move on several more lucky ladies. What do you call it in the script? How did the choreography come together so seamlessly? Where any injuries ever sustained?

The crescendo was the last scene where you danced in unisin with another male entertainer (played by tWich), each for your own women, with a set staged to emulate a mirror image. Not only was the timing out of this world, especially with the chosen style, brake-dancing fused with grinding and other modern hip-hop moves, the foreshadowing was a perfect set up. Several clips before, you are in the kitchen with this cute love interest you have flirted with the length of the movie, she is eating cake and she offers you some. You say you’re more of a COOKIE guy, oreos, specifically. Then, fast forward to the mirror image set, the cute love interest is seated, and the sound track begins. Starting with ‘Anywhere’ by 112 (who doesn’t love slow jam revivals from high school- how many high school dances did I hear this song at, a million), your fluid muscle isolation moves are displayed nicely here. Then moving to ‘All the Time’ with Jeremih and Lil’ Wayne things get straight naughty, just listen to those lyrics. And the final kill, ‘COOKIE’ by R Kelly brings the whole last dance together, though I am inclined to think metaphors like COOKIE, cookie jar, and oreo represent other subject matter… I’m not going to lie, I immediately went home and downloaded all three songs on a boot leg app that converts YouTube clips to MP3’s and proceeded to listen to the songs on repeat while scrubbing toilets and mopping floors at the helicopter hanger where I work the following morning. It was the best day of cleaning ever.

The only down side to having experienced this cinematographic wonder, is that, I fear no one will ever live up to the expectations you have set…Alas. However difficult it will be to find someone like you who is real, and likes me back, now I know what to do when my next rejext comes through, fire up the lap top and chuck on a torrented copy of MMXXL. I appreciate the opportunity to thank you for your work and I look forward to seeing what you come out with next. If you happen to find yourself in Wanaka, let me know, or alternatively, I can make myself available to fly to any location at anytime for the rest of my life, if you want to host. I’ll bring the COOKIES. Please find my details enclosed. I love you. Ta.


K. Collins, geologist at large, aspiring male entertainer reviewer

A&E: Submissions for the Mountain Film Festival

a&e, events, new zealand, shredventures

Can you call it rejection when you don’t hear back on a submission? Maybe I could convince myself these photos that I sent to the Wanaka Sun (a local independent newspaper) of Mountain Film Festival events got lost in the shuffle… but the truth is, its the second time in a row I haven’t heard back. Devo (slang for devastated). I suppose sharing them on my own blog is just as gratifying. I still want to make the paper at least once before my visa is up!

Thoughts on the events attended during the Mountain Film Fest…

Night 1 and 2: Book reading and story telling at Ripon Vinyard.

Having followed American pod casts like This American Life, Snap Judgment, and The Moth, I am so down with story telling, although, it was rad to be in the same room as the presenter instead of hearing them over the radio. Lydia Bradley in particular stole the show covering everything from Harry McClary, sending packages to Hawea Flat and having them intercepted by authorities, to feces  in Chips A’hoy bags at Yosemitte NP. After all, what is funnier than poop?

Adventure Writing Class

My buddy Annika, a local at Mount Aspiring College, and I, attended the writing class offered which emphasized sending out submissions and making cold calls to publications. I am sure it would disappoint the lecturer, Derek Grzelewski, if he new my first send out ended in a no reply 😦 Though, the class was successful in another regard, rallying me to give some much over due attention to my blog.

Snow Adventures segment of festival

Films 1 and 2 were easily my favorite, The Little Things and Vasu Out on a Limb. The first was stories about snowboarders taking their love of the out doors to an environmental level, building sustainable homes, reconnecting with cultural heritage, and lobbying at congress for climate change legislation. Totally empowering. Jeremy Jones’ project Protect Our Winters is sure to infuse snowboarding culture with a bit of over due activism.

The film about Vasu, an adaptive sports skier and person of color, working on back country projects reminded me of the utterly enlightening experience of skiing with mono skier Danielle Watson back home at Mt. Bachelor. This guy has an awesome attitude and thought provoking words around labels like ‘disabled’. It was also refreshing to see a person of color as the star of a selected feature film.

Likely the coolest snap shot I saw during the festival was at home on Vimeo (the footage was featured in the festival at a show I couldn’t make it to). A piece staring Will Jackways, local boarder in Wanaka, shot by Two Beared Men production, titled Interpretation. The film is home grown, featuring lots of South Island backcountry and a stand up kiwi dude. I might have missed this sweet short if the beards behind the camera had not set up their office next to the yoga studio where I practice. Rumor has it the footage will be shown in flight to folks arriving by plane this winter. What a great way to get them stoked on the snow culture of Wanaka. Two thumbs (or beards) up!

metro: damnation showing at the tower tonight

a&e, events, metro, patagonia, rethink waste
Damnation at The Tower Theater tonight

Damnation at The Tower Theater tonight

As a paddler, a river rat, lover of ecology, and Patagonia@Bend employee, I am stoked to be attending the showing of DAMNATION tonight at The Tower Theater! There will be a discussion panel after wards. Please join me…

a&e: published

a&e, metro

See Cascade A&E for Collinsrocks Media’s Atelier 6 article, pg. 23.

commuting chronicles: handcycling takes the lead

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Check out collinsrocks media’s latest contribution on Bike around Bend!

commuting chronicles: artery take III

a&e, metro
Biggie and Chai compete for "cuttest under 6 lbs" award

Biggie and Chai compete for “cutest under 6 lbs” award

Check out Collinsrocks Media’s latest contribution on The Crankery- Everybody’s Bike Shop blog!

a&e: artery


After Last Wednesday at the Crankery, I am pumped for Last Saturday tonight at The Old Iron Works!

music: sultry roots by kinzel and hyde at beer geek week, broken top bottle shop

a&e, music, oregon

Kinzel and Hyde


With harmonica wines and concertina melodies, Miss Hyde (of Kinzel and Hyde) stole the stage rocking out harder than any senior female accompaniment I have ever witnessed. Not to mention a rowdy box drum player, the band played to the audiences’ seemingly unanimous love of boot stomping blues. Hyde assured us that all CD purchase proceeds would go directly to her pets and when she drew numbers for the raffle, undertones of ‘Oh, Brother, Where Out Tho’ could be felt. I will be watching the source for these guys again!

Be sure to check out Beer Geek Week and the amazing concert line up going through this weekend at Broken Top Bottle Shop!

music: the national, les shwab amphitheater

a&e, music, oregon, outdoor, patagonia


Customers at Patagonia@Bend who traveled from Bozeman to just to see The National concert!

Customers at Patagonia@Bend who traveled from Bozeman to just to see The National concert!

As though we had a sound tract for our entrance, we arrived at Les Schwab amphitheater just as The National began their first song. In the hours leading up to the show, I had been watching the clock, counting the moments until I could sit amongst other lovers of modern indie folk. To say I was looking forward to the concert was an understatement. During the preceding week, I might have listened to High Violet 20 times to compliment the other 1,500 album plays since its first release in 2010.

The vibe at the concert was welcoming and inclusive in regards to company and weather. Children, older folks, hipsters, pataguchi hustlers, all were present and the typical ambiance of an outdoor Bend event was palpable, even for lack of K9’s. Even delicious food carts from the usual suspects were present. In the hopes it would quell some of the evenings winter temps, I opted to inhale a mountain of spicy green curry from Spork. Although a slight damp chill remained for the duration of the show, I was relieved it wasn’t raining and began to wonder if my shivers were meteoric or melody driven.

By 9:00pm The National headed off stage, only to re-emerge for a final 4 songs, the last of which blasted the crowd out of their expectations. Don’t get me wrong, the evening had been amazing, especially having had the band play nearly the entire High Violet album (all my preperation was worth it) and their newest release, I need my girl. However, when they unplugged and acoustically strummed Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks, their roots emerged. Not only did Matt Berninger urge the audience to join in, during the last repetition of the chorus, he tossed the mic in a disobedient fashion and belted out the lyrics without sonic assistance. It seems The National’s music is best played in its purest form and choosing to perform in this manor was like getting a second serve of curry after an already exquisite round. I LOVE CURRY.


patagonia: mary moynihan presents slide show

a&e, gear review, outdoor, travel


Mary Moynihan, Patagonia@Bend Supervisor and *Triple Crowner, returns from a 4 month excursion hiking the entirety of New Zealand. From the tip of the North Island to the bottom of the South, 1,7000 miles later, she’s here to share her journey with us, tonight, May 22nd, 7:30pm. Hop Valley, her sponsor, will provide the brews.

*Receiving the Triple Crown as a thru hiker means Moynihan has hiked every step of the Appalachian, Continental Divide, and Pacific Crest trails.

approved: the mostest at the annex

a&e, music

The Mostest

Attending and dancing solo at a show is no small feet. First you have to walk into the venue alone. Then you have to find something to do i.e. get a drink, go to the restroom, sit down, etc. Then you have to sit, stand, or drink alone. If you like the music and it appeals to your sense of movement, you have to get up, alone, and start dancing. As a newly single and passionate music listener, I’v debated much over the pros and cons for attending concerts alone and my findings are detailed below…

“Couldn’t you just go with friends?” some say, and this is a viable solution, though, it brings many variables. First, your friend(s) have to be available the date and timing of the concert, then they have to like the same music you like. In addition, what if your friend(s) interpretation of “fashionably late” is liberal, while you prefer to dance from first to last string stroke? Lastly, what if you choose different transportation methods? Sometimes friends want to drive and then you are committed to leaving the same time they do, where as, if you have a bike, you can peddle at your leisure from venue to venue. These are just a few of the parameters one must consider when attending a concert alone.

When my friends wanted to head home at 11:30, after seeing an hour of Second Hand Soldiers at Silvermoon, carful consideration and the notes floating from The Annex to the street where my bike was locked (Silvermoon is just across Greenwood Street from The Annex) encouraged me to attend The Mostest concert, even without company.

I first saw The Mostest last Thursday, band night at The Lot, on Galveston. One of their guitarists and a talented fiddle player got me standing and tapping my feet, so, when I heard they where playing Saturday, I wanted to be there. Alas, my friends were no where to be found, already enroute to their beds for the night. I decided this would be a great opportunity to take the plunge, and go solo…

Walking in, I felt like I was entering a friends low ceilinged loft apartment. For something to “do”, I opted to pick up a water at the bar, from there it was straight to the dance floor. I went into full single count arm swing and toe-touching, left then right. Immediate dancing, that’s how good they were! This lasted about 30 seconds until the band commenced the swanky rock beat they were playing.

It was at this point the lead singer singled me out of the 20 person audience and inquired, via the mic, as to weather I had participated in the Pole, Pedal, Paddle. I believe he made this assertion based on the wool long john’s I was wearing under hemp shorts along with a hoody. I definitely looked as though I had been playing sports. I let him know it was only an effect of being a bike commuter, he directed a lone male dancer in the audience to join me, and the tunes erupted. The jaring movements of the lone dancer crept their way over my direction until the mystery music lover flailed alongside me for a few songs. I only lasted four or five melodies, it was late and I usually go to bed early.

A funky mix of jam band, blues, and rock, they featured seven musicians, including two drummers, a saxophone player and key boardist, several rotations of audience members on vocals, and an avid fan base. One blues tune they curated really got me shaking my tail feathers. I will be sure to attend any of their future shows.

It seemed cliche yet overwhelmingly fitting when they covered “You can’t always get what you want”, by the Rolling Stones. “But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need” played through my head at 1 am as I biked home in the rain. The Mostest: Collinsrocks Media Stamp of Approval!

metro: collinsrocksmedia specialty release hat featured on KTVZ

a&e, events

Only 5 hats were released to Collinsrocks Media in a compilation project with Rugged Threads and one was spotted last night on KTVZ! Check out the link… The dude at the end of the video.

rethink waste: recycled art found in a newspaper dispenser on minnesota and bond…

a&e, metro, rethink waste

As I obsessed about obtaining a copy of May’s Cascade A&E last Wednesday, I opened the dispenser on Oregon and Minnesota for, literally, the 5th time in 5 hours, and to my wonder, found this little gift. It was like a personalized, recycled, art, fortune-cookie, and although the copy that I sought wasn’t posted yet, this collectable brightened my day. Pay attention, innovation could be lurking around any corner. Check out the C.R.A.F.T. site!

a&e: mc esher at art walk


It is said that scientists and mathematicians are drawn to MC Eshers work for the geometric distortions and tessellations. As a geologist and highly linear thinker, I was captivated. His work took me to moments exploring nature. Moments after long hikes or excursions, when one is finally able to sit, perhaps lay down, look up through branches of a tree and out of fatigue, sight is blurry and objects seem to replicate shapes and patterns. The difference between canopy and sky can no longer be discerned. In these types of moments, I may have seen fish turn to birds. 


metro: unicyclists at the storefront project produce “the jester”

a&e, metro

The Nature of Words

Teaching at The Nature of Words for The Store Front Project has been an absolute treat! Among the sprinkling of talented young writers I have been privileged to meet, is a crew of unicyclists. The theme we have worked with is journalism, producing a rough draft news paper each session, ideas, headlines, and pictures gathered from local publications like Cascade A&E, Cascade Business News, The Source, and The Bulletin. The students aptly named the paper “The Jester”. We hope to put together a zine during the next class I teach. I strongly urge any teen to stop in Monday and Thursday 3:30 to 4:30pm for The Storefront Project, 224 NW Oregon Ave.